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Fact & Fantasy 4
For sale: Hearing aid. Brand new. AHS Alfa Series. $300 or trade for guns. (I Wanna, Asheville, North Carolina) Molly Maxwell, age 104, has finally been given the Cambridge degree she earned 80 years ago. In 1917 women were not allowed to receive degrees. (The Guardian, England, 1997) Before you lash out again at your computer, you might want to take a look at yourself. People who experience routine electronic equipment breakdowns may be emanating hostile electromagnetism, according to parapsychology researchers interviewed in The Anomalist Fall 1996. Their bad vibes can, a la Uri Geller, physically cause computer breakdown. (The Utne Reader, April 1997) The combined wealth of the worlds seven richest men could wipe out poverty and provide access to basic social services for the quarter of the world who live in severe need [said a United Nations study published this week] ... the net wealth of 10 billionaires is worth 1.5 times the combined national income of the 48 least developed countries. (The Guardian, England, June 22, 1997) At a trade fair in Vienna, Austria in August, body-paint artist Karl Machamer demonstrated his design for a skin-tight latex condom, custom-painted onto a penis. He plans to market bottles with enough paint for three applications (along with instructions) for about $8. The main drawback is the seven-minute wait while the paint dries. (Now where did I get this information? And did Karl demonstrate his invention personally in Vienna?) Up to 50 million girls and women are missing from India's population, the result of systematic sex discrimination, including the selective abortion of female foetuses, according to a report produced by the United Nations Children's fund in India. (Guardian Weekly, November 26, 1995) Advertisement in the New York Post, March 19, 1997: The Fortean Times reports that two Romanians from the town of Botosani have been barred from the Orthodox priesthood on the grounds that their penises don't reach the minimum length set down in the rules. Bombay, India - An unhappy customer sued a salesman for $3,900 because his flying carpet didn't work, but his case was thrown out of court - when the judge found out the guy had put his carpet in a washing machine. .... [The customer] plans to appeal. (Where else but from The Enquirer, February 1997) "I had a sense that unless I was totally thin, my friends would tease me or I wouldn't get a girlfriend," said Martin, 18, who gave only his first name. Martin was committed to the hospital three months ago when he feared swallowing because he believed "my saliva had too many calories." (re. dieting among Peruvian teenagers, The Observer, England, January 1998) Brigands of the world, they have wasted the land by their indiscriminate plunder and now they ransack the sea. The wealth of an enemy excites their cupidity, his poverty their lust for power. East and West have failed to glut their maw. They are unique in being as violently tempted to attack the poor as the wealthy. Robbery, butchery, rapine, the liars call empire. They create a desolation and call it peace. (From the address made by Calgacus to the Caledonian troops before their defeat by the Roman army under Agricola, AD 54) The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. (Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes)
If we could shrink the Earth's population to a village of 100 people with all existing human relations remaining the same, the community would look like this: There would be 57 Asians, 21 Europeans, 14 from the Americas and 8 Africans 5l would be female and 49 would be male 70 would be non-white and 30 would be white 70 would be non-Christian, 30 would be Christian 50% of the entire worlds wealth would be in the hands of 6 people, and all 6 would be citizens of the USA 80 would live in substandard housing 70 would be unable to read 50 would suffer from malnutrition 1 would be near death 1 would be near birth Only 1 would have a college education No one would own a computer (Sent to me on the Internet) Cost per minute to hear The Bill of Rights read over the phone
in a provocative manner by a woman named Bambi: $1.98 (The Funny Times)
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