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Fact & Fantasy 7
-Martha Snow, from The Funny Times THE ALTERNATIVE SPELLING OF ‘FISH’ is ‘GHOTI”: If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it’s good enough for me. (An Arkansas congressman to the Joint National Committee on Language)
For the man who has not quite everything, there’s THE BULGE, a plenty large polypropylene penis that fits (barely) in your Speedos or tight jeans and is designed to drive passersby [presumably female] mad with desire. The price is reasonable ($19.95) but .... What happens when you unveil the real thing? IN MARCH, THE BRITISH FIRM GOSSARD INTRODUCED THE $40 ULTRABRA AIROTIC THAT INFLATES (VIA ACCOMPANYING PUMP) UP TO TWO CUP SIZES FOR THE WOMAN WHO, ACCORDING TO A SPOKESPERSON DOESN’T WANT “HUGE BREASTS THROUGH THE DAY BUT DOES WANT TO HAVE THEM IN THE EVENING.” Medical authorities in Swaziland are appealing for men with small to average-size penises to use up a stock of condoms donated to the African State. They are too small for most Swazi men and keep splitting. A spokesman for the national Aids programme told MPs: ‘Those that CAN should use these condoms because they were sent to us by foreign donors. It would be very rude to send them back. RESEARCHERS at the Harvard Business School concluded a three
year, $7.6 million study of American corporate workers. The study, a
23,000-page document, which focused on the recreational preference of
those workers, is thus summarised: · 80% of fourth grade girls are dieting.
When I was born, was black.
It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. (For the source of this quote, see the end of Fact and Fantasy section ***) AND NOW for something similar: Thoughts on VIOLENCE, war, humanity and other age-old terrestrial DISASTERS "Why of course the people don't want war. Why should some poor
slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best he can get
out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece? Naturally the common
people don't want war: neither in Russia, nor in England, nor for that
matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders
of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter
to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship,
or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the
people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is
easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce
the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger.
It works the same in any country."
Poverty is not the problem.
There’s nothing to winning, really. That is, if you happen to be blessed with a keen eye, an agile mind and no scruples whatsoever.
Iran’s supreme leader decreed that the punishment for politically opposing the death penalty would be the death penalty. (Funny Times) The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending
spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing
evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar but
you cannot murder the lie nor establish the truth. Through - Martin Luther King, Jr.
USA BOMBINGS SINCE WORLD WAR II FROM www.whatreallyhappened.com/usinterventionism.html Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People.The nanny-well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now." "Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
· a mop to put under your crawling baby: keep the floors clean! · blast your DNA into space: live forever! Only $49.95 · a talking vodka bottle: makes toasts for you! · a windbreaker equipped with built-in cellular phone, MP3 player,
headset A new CD consisting of 64 minutes of lawn mower noise, designed for those wishing to retaliate against annoying neighbors. Previously, Marsland [the company involved] released 64 minutes worth of a crying baby for couples trying to talk themselves out of becoming parents.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants. A snail can sleep for three years. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Things get worse. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. lastest and mostest
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Fact:
Eye portraits were exchanged among clandestine lovers in 1800's England.
violence
you merely increase hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence
multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid
of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.